i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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