I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
