dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
