Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
