I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
