I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
that's an acceptable place to lick
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
