you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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