just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
