when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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