Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
