the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
