I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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