At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
