He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
