If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
