all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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