i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
