Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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