she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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