So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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