After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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