Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
