I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
