Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
