Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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