we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
