Swine flu. Run for my life!
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
