There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
