this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
