HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
