ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
