There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
