its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
