drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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