I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
