Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
