The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
