Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Randomize
