just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
