it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
His hands were made for my vagina.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
