she looked like the before picture.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
