We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
