There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
