i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
