genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
