I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
