I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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