it hurts more in the daytime
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
