i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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