I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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