Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
